Peyton Manning Kisses Papa John, Wins Super Bowl

I haven't been this skeeved out during a Super Bowl win since Mark Rypien celebrated his victory by tugging off Colonel Sanders.

I haven’t been this skeeved out during a Super Bowl win since Mark Rypien celebrated his victory by tugging off Colonel Sanders.

Super Bowl 50 is in the books, and shit, there was a lot to debate. Was it a bore or a defensive masterpiece? Should Peyton Manning retire or be a selfish asshole and not retire? Is Cam Newton the biggest target of white ire since OJ? Would you rather have watched your family get torn apart by wild dogs than sit through Coldplay’s halftime abortion? It’s a good show. If you watched the Super Bowl and know one shred about the game, you’ll have fun listening. If you don’t match any of that criteria, well, this is usually the part in the episode description where I call into question your sexuality, sense of national pride and/or intellectual capacity. Just click so we’re cool, man.

Click here to listen to this episode of Papa’s Football Podcast or hit the “play” button below. Click here to open us in iTunes, where you can subscribe to the show and leave us some rating and comment love, and click here if you want to do the same using the Stitcher ap!

Aaron Rodgers Is The King Of The Hail Mary

aaron rodgers steve carell

Yes, they lost. But damn if the Green Bay Packers – Arizona Cardinals game wasn’t an all-time great. Listen to us talk the entire Divisional Round, pray that Peyton Manning doesn’t die next week, and have a conversation like you and your friends would about football. No, that doesn’t mean we get drunk and ramble like every other podcast out there. But we sure do swear a bunch.

Click here to listen to this episode of Papa’s Football Podcast or hit the “play” button below. Click here to open us in iTunes, where you can subscribe to the show and leave us some rating and comment love, and click here if you want to do the same using the Stitcher ap!

Lovie Smith Fired, College Football Screws Up Its NYE Playoffs

Lovie Smith Fired

Just kidding, Lovie got fired a few hours after we recorded this. But we were able to talk about the bloodbath that is Black Monday, including the firings of Jim Tomsula, Tom Coughlin and Mike Pettine. Between that, some (admittedly cursory, but hopefully humorous) playoff analysis, we have the NFL side of things covered.

The first half of the show actually dives into what a colossal fuckup college football had on its hands with an attempt to shoehorn its two playoff games into New Year’s Eve. Ratings stank, everyone hated it, and now everyone is hoping that it doesn’t happen again. Oh, and I mock the millions of bowls because, let’s admit it, there are about 50 too man and they all have ghoulishly commercial names that impart literally zero emotion upon anyone. (Please let’s just cut to the chase and get to the Bang Bros Bowl sooner than later.)

Did I mention we saved the best for last? Because we did. In the show’s last five minutes, two straight (I swear all those websites were from someone else using my computer) men and one straight woman pick which NFL player’s penis they would be most fascinated to see. Fuck ESPN, you won’t see that shit after MNF anytime soon.

Click here to listen to this episode of Papa’s Football Podcast or hit the “play” button below. Click here to open us in iTunes, where you can subscribe to the show and leave us some rating and comment love, and click here if you want to do the same using the Stitcher ap!

Peyton Manning HGH / Chip Kelly Fired

Chip Kelly, onetime Oregon coach and full-time Auric Goldfinger lookalike, has been fired by the Philadelphia Eagles.

Chip Kelly, onetime Oregon coach and full-time Auric Goldfinger lookalike, has been fired by the Philadelphia Eagles.

Chip Kelly, former Oregon Ducks coach, is now the former Philadelphia Eagles coach, relieved of his duties by owner Jeff Lurie right before week 16 in what can only be seen as a massive fuck you move. Is this good news or bad news for the rest of the NFC East (a division owned, at least for the year, by YOUR Washington Redskins)?

Also, Peyton Manning, the famed backup quarterback of the Denver Broncos, was the biggest name in an Al Jazeera that alleges several players in the NFL were using HGH. Al Jazeera seems to have quickly recanted, but when you get right down to it, what the hell else explains that forehead? I love Peyton Effin’ Manning until the end and, frankly, don’t give two shits if he used or not, but someone owns us an explanation for that cranium.

Click here to listen to this episode of Papa’s Football Podcast or hit the “play” button below. Click here to open us in iTunes, where you can subscribe to the show and leave us some rating and comment love, and click here if you want to do the same using the Stitcher ap!

Oh Peyton! My Peyton!

There is nothing more terrifying than this image which, of course, makes it an Internet darling.

There is nothing more terrifying than this image which, of course, makes it an Internet darling.

This episode was a bit of a no-time-for-love-Doctor-Jones affair, meaning we banged out three topics that were near and dear to my heart this week in the NFL:

–Whose disastrous season is more of a shock to you, the Baltimore Ravens’ or Peyton Manning’s?
–Sammy Watkins shitting all over people that shat on him. (Via social media. He wasn’t channeling his inner Danny Thomas. Sadly.)
–Why 9:30 am games are awesome for we East Coasters.

Click here to listen to this episode of Papa’s Football Podcast or hit the “play” button below. Click here to open us in iTunes, where you can subscribe to the show and leave us some rating and comment love, and click here if you want to do the same using the Stitcher ap!

I Love You, Dianna Marie Russini

You can have your Britt McHenry: Give me the tiny, feisty wop any day.

You can have your Britt McHenry: Give me the tiny, feisty wop any day.

Tom Brady has won. His suspension is no more, and Roger Goodell looks like an idiot. But the real news of the week is the Redskins imploding even by their standards, the cherry on top being Jessica McCloughan, wife of Redskins GM Scot McCloughan, accusing now-ESPN reporter (and formerly my local sports girl news crush) Diana Marie Russini of blowing her husband for scoops. It isn’t even week one and I already want the season over. Thank you, Dan Snyder, for ruining all I once loved as a child. And thanks to Alex of the Pilot Waves Show for doing a great job co-hosting with me.

Click here to listen to this episode of Papa’s Football Podcast or hit the “play” button below. Click here to open us in iTunes, where you can subscribe to the show and leave us some rating and comment love, and click here if you want to do the same using the Stitcher ap!

Tom Brady Is The Golden Boy — Papa’s Football Podcast

During the show, I mention a photo of Len Dawson sucking down a cigarette and drinking a beer during the first Super Bowl's hafltime. It turns out he was only drinking Fresca, but he could be drinking a vial of bull cum and the photo would still be cool as hell.

During the show, I mention a photo of Len Dawson sucking down a cigarette and drinking a beer during the first Super Bowl’s hafltime. It turns out he was only drinking Fresca, but he could be drinking a vial of bull cum and the photo would still be cool as hell.

Jesus loves Tom Brady more than Russell Wilson. That’s the only sane conclusion one can draw from the outcome of Super Bowl 49. We talk the game, the halftime show (it turns out I really like Get Ur Freak On when I’m not hearing it four times per hour) and the commercials (including Nationwide’s kid-killing masterpiece) on the latest episode of Papa’s Football Podcast.

Click here to listen to this episode of Papa’s Football Podcast or hit the “play” button below. Click here to open us in iTunes, where you can subscribe to the show and leave us some rating and comment love, and click here if you want to do the same using the Stitcher ap!

Super Bowl Week — Papa’s Football Podcast

Deflated football cookies, anyone?

Deflated football cookies, anyone?

Jeff Bauer of Another F’N Podcast (dammit I love that name) joins the show to talk about the surprisingly long history of fantasy football and also give his thoughts on life as a Vikings fan in the heart of Packers country. (I’m sure it sucks. Just like being a Vikings fan everywhere else does, bam.) Co-host Othello and I also give our Super Bowl picks, thoughts on the very inflated Patriots deflated-football scandal (see what I did there?) and try to find some angle that will make us care about a game between two teams that most people really hate.

Click here to listen to this episode of Papa’s Football Podcast or hit the “play” button below. Click here to open us in iTunes, where you can subscribe to the show and leave us some rating and comment love, and click here if you want to do the same using the Stitcher ap!

How the F Did The Seattle Seahawks Beat Green Bay? — Papa’s Football Podcast

How Russell Wilson engineered the comeback of comebacks? Praying to this dude really hard, apparently.

How Russell Wilson engineered the comeback of comebacks? Praying to this dude really hard, apparently. Oh, and crying a lot.

Anyone who has listened to this show (all three of you) know that I hate the Seattle Seahawks. So you can imagine how Sunday’s staggering comeback devastated me. Not only that, but it was followed by one of the least-satisfying playoff football games I’ve ever seen as the Patriots stomped the Colts like they’d caught them fucking their wives. Was there any good to take away from this playoff weekend for the majority of the country? No. Debating who you want to win a Super Bowl between the Seahawks and Patriots is like debating which Bushwacker you’d prefer to sodomize you. Still, Othello and I try to make the best of a bad situation and inject some life into a Super Bowl neither of us want to watch.

Click here to listen to this episode of Papa’s Football Podcast or hit the “play” button below. Click here to open us in iTunes, where you can subscribe to the show and leave us some rating and comment love, and click here if you want to do the same using the Stitcher ap!

The Dez Bryant Non-Catch / Peyton’s Playoff Magic Continues — Papa’s Football Pod

Oh my God, Peyton really was playing injured! Just look at that ghastly wound! What a warrior! Wait, he'd been playing with a leg injury? Well then...never mind.

Oh my God, Peyton really was playing injured! Just look at that ghastly wound! What a warrior! Wait, he’d been playing with a leg injury? Well then…never mind.

Dez Bryant’s catch / non-catch and Peyton Manning’s horrid playoff performance made for another drama-filled slate of games. Add to the mix another slate of coaching hirings and firings, and it was one more action-packed NFL weekend that requires the analysis of two grossly unqualified individuals such as yours truly and co-host Howard. Enjoy!

Click here to listen to this episode of Papa’s Football Podcast or hit the “play” button below. Click here to open us in iTunes, where you can subscribe to the show and leave us some rating and comment love, and click here if you want to do the same using the Stitcher ap!