Odell Beckham Jr. Catches Ball, Our Hearts. Aww. — PFP Week 13

Quick quiz: Who's got better catching power, Odell Beckham Jr. or Mr. Fantastic. If you answered "Odell Beckham Jr., because he's black," you're a racist. But correct. The answer is indeed Odell Beckham Jr., but because Mr. Fantastic is fictitious. Okay, and because he's white.

Quick quiz: Who’s got better catching power, Odell Beckham Jr. or Mr. Fantastic? If you answered “Odell Beckham Jr., because he’s black,” you’re a racist, but correct. The answer is indeed Odell Beckham Jr., but because Mr. Fantastic is fictitious. Okay, and because he’s white. ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?!

Did anybody mention that catch Odell Beckham Jr. made over the weekend? Oh, they did? Ad nauseam? Well then, carry on. The Green Bay Packers took over the NFC North, Dominic Raiola openly went for an opponents’ knees and RGIII just kept on shoveling. It was a great week for the NFL, with plenty of close games as the grains of sand in this season’s hourglass run low. We recap, then move on to all you need to know about this weekend’s upcoming games, including a special preview of the Thanksgiving Day slate of matchups.

Click here to listen to this episode of Papa’s Football Podcast or hit the “play” button below. Click here to open us in iTunes, where you can subscribe to the show and leave us some rating and comment love, and click here if you want to do the same using the Stitcher ap!

Gronk Dances As the Redskins Burn–Papa’s Football Podcast Week 12

I hate the Patriots. But I cannot get enough of this man.

I hate the Patriots. But I cannot get enough of this man.

The New England Patriots had a banner Sunday night, smashing the Indianapolis Colts early and hard. Rob Gronkowski did the majority of the damage, and even took a break from the carnage to treat the world to this sassy little dance. Looks nice being part of a winning team, doesn’t it?

…Not that I would know. For my Redskins were thoroughly shamed by the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, a team I had, on multiple occasions, called the worst in the league. You know how I felt watching that game? The opposite of what Mr. Gronk felt during his Sunday sashay. It was something along the lines of this.

We also cover the rest of the weekend’s news, from the Rams upsetting the Broncos to the Atlanta Falcons sitting atop the NFC South…at 4-6. What a dumpster fire that division is. Enjoy, share, subscribe to and review the latest episode of Papa’s Football Podcast!

Click here to listen to this episode of Papa’s Football Podcast or hit the “play” button below. Click here to open us in iTunes, where you can subscribe to the show and leave us some rating and comment love, and click here if you want to do the same using the Stitcher ap!

Carson Palmer’s ACL Hates Contracts–PFP Week 11

Baby Carson Palmer looks disturbingly similar to adult Bud Cort.

Baby Carson Palmer looks disturbingly similar to adult Bud Cort.

On December 29h, 2005, Carson Palmer signed a $119 million deal with the Cincinnati Bengals. 10 days later, he tore his ACL. Last Friday, Palmer signed a $50 million dollar deal for three years with the Arizona Cardinals. That Sunday, he tore his ACL. The moral of the story? Carson Palmer has commitment issues. At least his anterior cruciate ligament does. Are the Arizona Cardinals, considered last week the class of the NFC, doomed without him? What three people in this country bet on the New York Jets to beat the Pittsburgh Steelers and just how rich are they now? Is the Seattle Seahawks’ mascot flying off into the stands and sinking its talons into the fans, as it did on Sunday, as funny as I find it? All this and more on the latest Papa’s Football Podcast, which you should be subscribing to and rating using the links below if you want to win the big prize*.

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*The big prize is a violent session of Ugu at the hands of yours truly.

Bruce Arians And The Arizona Cardinals Are Kings Of The World

How I imagine every Arizona Cardinals fan feeling right now.

How I imagine every Arizona Cardinals fan feeling right now.

At the eight games in their campaign, the Arizona Cardinals, led by the brilliant Bruce Arians, own the NFL’s best record at 7-1. I have on NBC Sports personality Derek Montilla to tell me for 20 minutes what it’s like to root for a winner. (Answer: Pretty fun.) We also get into why, despite a win, the Philadelphia Eagles’ season might be circling the drain in a hurry and how the New England Patriots, doomed to failure a month ago, now look like the class of the AFC. Life is funny like that. Enjoy and share the latest Papa’s Football Podcast, and please, please use the links below to subscribe and leave ratings for us!

Click here to listen to this episode of Papa’s Football Podcast or hit the “play” button below. Click here to open us in iTunes, where you can subscribe to the show and leave us some rating and comment love, and click here if you want to do the same using the Stitcher ap!

Gulf Coast Bias: The First Ever College Football “Final Four” Rankings Were a Big Ol’ Waste of Time

For the first time in the Post-BCS era, college football’s “blue ribbon selection committee” has announced which four teams would be in the new playoff, if the season ended today. It comes as no surprise that three SEC West schools and defending champion Florida State make up today’s hypothetical Final Four. However, there’s almost no chance these four schools will wind up in the bracket together.

For one thing, #4 Ole Miss is scheduled to play BOTH top ranked Mississippi State and #3 Auburn. At least one of those three schools is guaranteed to miss the playoffs. While it is possible that two SEC West schools could make the Final Four, the playoff selection committee would have to take a lot of time to explain why it felt a team that did not even win its divisional title deserves a shot at the national championship trophy.

In large part, the new playoff system was inspired by the lackluster BCS National Championship which pitted LSU and Alabama against each other for the second time in 2011 (a game that I enjoyed both times, BTW). And that’s why I look at the first ever “Playoff Rankings” with enormous disdain. The Committee will fuel another post-season controversy if two SEC West squads make it to the Final Four. Even if most fans agree that two SEC teams belong in this year’s playoff, a very vocal minority would start clamoring for an expanded playoff system before the first ever FBS playoff game even kicked off.

That’s why, if I were to guess who would make the playoff based on their record today, it would be Florida State, Mississippi State, Oregon, and TCU. Sure, a lot of upsets can happen between now and December. But if we want to hear speculation on who will actually be playing in the Final Four, I think it makes sense for the playoff selection committee to factor in future matchups into their rankings. Otherwise, telling us the same thing as the AP and Coaches’ Polls seems unnecessary.

Colt McCoy And the Redskins Stun the Cowboys On MNF — PFP Week 9

I'm not usually moved by fine art, but...I think I have something in my eye.

I’m not usually moved by fine art, but…I think I have something in my eye.

…and while that did indeed happen (due to the efforts of Colt McCoy, no less), you won’t hear about it this episode because we record Monday afternoons. Boy, that finally blew up in our faces big time, didn’t it? But that’s okay, as there was a ton of other stuff that happened over the weekend worth talking about, from Big Ben throwing for over 500 yards in a demolishing of the Colts to the Jets sinking as low as a team can go to the Cardinals (yes, the Cardinals) asserting their dominance of the NFC over the Eagles. Plus, the episode is funny. I mean, they’re all funny episodes (I’m such a braggart ass), but this one is especially solid if you enjoy laughing along with your barely informed football talk.

Click here to listen to this episode of Papa’s Football Podcast or hit the “play” button below. Click here to open us in iTunes, where you can subscribe to the show and leave us some rating and comment love, and click here if you want to do the same using the Stitcher ap!

Peyton Manning: Touchdown King, Pizza Mogul, Sentient Forehead — PFP Week 8

If I didn't tell you this was actually a Marvel Comics character by the name of The Watcher and not Peyton Manning, would you have known the difference? Don't put on airs. We all know the answer is "no."

If I didn’t tell you this was actually a Marvel Comics character by the name of The Watcher and not Peyton Manning, would you have known the difference? Don’t put on airs. We all know the answer is “no.”

After a somewhat quiet week 7, week 8 delivered a fantastic amount of storylines. From Peyton Manning claiming Brett Favre’s touchdown record to Percy Harvin being dumped on the Jets like an animal you just can’t housebreak to Jeff Fisher laying claim to possessing the largest testicles in football, some crazy things happened both on and off the field. We wrap it all up nicely and preview what’s the best to come in week 9 on the latest Papa’s Football Podcast. Please remember to subscribe to the show using the links below, leave us (nice) feedback, tell your friends and send us all of your money. I’ll settle for like two out of those four.

Click here to listen to this episode of Papa’s Football Podcast or hit the “play” button below. Click here to open us in iTunes, where you can subscribe to the show and leave us some rating and comment love, and click here if you want to do the same using the Stitcher ap!

And Here Come the Cowboys Fans — Papa’s Football Podcast Week 7

Please, God, don't let them add to this pile.

Please, God, don’t let them add to this pile.

This was a trying weekend for most NFL fans. Forced to choose between a Seattle team championed by its motormouth, asshat cornerback and the team all good, Christ-fearing people love to hate, most of us prayed for a meteorite to fall on CenturyLink Field during the game (or at least a tie). In the end, the Dallas Cowboys prevailed, and the chatter celebrating it on my Facebook timeline since has been intolerable (god bless the “unfollow” button).

There was much more from the week that was to discuss, from the massive success of the Browns’ season (yes, you read that correctly) taking them right through the Steelers like shit through a goose to San Diego cutting out a close win over the Raiders. (Yes, you also read that correctly.) From the week that was to the week that’s coming up and also presenting an interesting new theory on what works in college football, the latest episode of Papa’s Football Podcast has it all for you. Enjoy and share, everyone!

Click here to listen to this episode of Papa’s Football Podcast or hit the “play” button below. Click here to open us in iTunes, where you can subscribe to the show and leave us some rating and comment love, and click here if you want to do the same using the Stitcher ap!

Jerry Jones And Jimmy Johnson Effing Hate Each Other

An infographic explaining the outcome of "The Trade."

An infographic explaining the outcome of “The Trade.” Not depicted: The part where Jimmy Johnson makes it all happen in spite of the meddling of Ol’ Jerruh.

The title of this piece isn’t intended as a revelation. It has been known for some time that Jerry Jones, owner of the Dallas Cowboys, and Jimmy Johnson, the team’s former coach and architect of the franchise’s massive success in the 90s, passionately dislike each other. It’s one of the dominant themes of the fantastic book Boys Will Be Boys: The Glory Days and Party Nights of the Dallas Cowboys Dynasty, and it was explored again recently in an incredible article by ESPN writer Don Van Natta Jr.

I’m writing this because, on Thursday, the latest salvo in the artillery battle between these two football titans with their Stalin-like, non-receding grey hairlines was fired, with Jimmy Johnson declaring during a discussion of the 25th anniversary of the trade of Herschel Walker that, “Jerry Jones told me I couldn’t get rid of [him].” (All too predictably, Jones stated the next day on-air that the Herschel move was all his idea.)

To those of you unfamiliar with the Cowboys of the 90s, the trade of Herschel Walker to the Minnesota Vikings for seemingly countless draft picks (known thereafter in football lore simply as “The Trade”) is what got the team the personnel it used to win its three Super Bowls that decade. Jerry Jones’ claim to his role in the success of those years is that it was his management and draft decisions, not Johnson’s, that built the team. So Jimmy’s words roughly translate to, “How many times do I have to make clear that I managed to succeed in Dallas despite having this corn-toothed dunce as my boss, not because of it?”

Nearly two decades have passed since Johnson’s departure from the team, and nearly two decades of on-field impotence have followed, making Jones’ claims ring more and more hollow by the year. (Please note this was written before Dallas’ Sunday win over Seattle, and, according to all Cowboys fans, my statement regarding a lack of on-field success is now patently incorrect and it’s time to start sizing the team for its sixth ring.)

As a Redskins fan, those three Dallas Super Bowl victories were almost worth the shit-show that has followed. To the residents of DC, Jerry Jones and Jimmy Johnson were the interminably successful power couple that lived on your block and one-upped you in every conceivable avenue of life. The had a nicer house than you. Their jobs paid more. Their kids were doing better in school than your kids. They even looked better than you. Hearing how much they now hate each other is akin to learning that the husband in this metaphorical couple turned out to be gay and left with the pool boy, the wife got disbarred for botching a huge trial and is now penniless and both of their kids dropped out of college to “find themselves.” In other words, it’s the most refreshing cup of Schadenfreude punch you’re ever going to sip.

Gulf Coast Bias: PFPod’s College Football Rankings

Ole Miss and Mississippi State catapulted into the Top 5 of the AP and Coaches’ Polls this week, thanks to victories over Alabama and Texas A&M last Saturday. Mississippi’s top 2 programs have now joined Auburn, Baylor, and Florida State as the leading candidates for college football’s inaugural Final Four.

It should come as no surprise to college football fans that schools from the Gulf Coast are dominating the national championship conversation in 2014. During the BCS era (1998-2013), schools from Alabama, Florida, Louisiana, and Texas claimed the college football national championship 12 times out of 16 seasons. Whenever a school from the other 45 states won a BCS national title, their opponent in the BCS championship game was almost always a Gulf Coast program: USC’s now-vacated Orange Bowl win over Oklahoma in 2005 marks the only time that the Gulf Coast was not officially represented at a BCS championship game (though, technically, nearly 40% of OU’s roster is recruited from Texas).

College football’s newly appointed “Blue Ribbon” committee ought to follow this unwritten rule: the Gulf Coast deserves at least two spots in college football’s Final Four. Though the SEC West should never have more than one team slated for the national playoff bracket, a second spot in the Final Four should almost always go to the best remaining team in Texas or Florida.

We don’t make this pronouncement based on mere bias—we look to the recent track record of Gulf Coast schools. Schools from Alabama, Florida, Louisiana, and Texas have strung together nine consecutive national championships since 2005. And if you look at the current AP and Coaches’ Polls, right now the Gulf Coast owns a monopoly on the Top 5 rankings in 2014.

That’s why we’ve decided on PFPod.com to create a weekly featured called the “State of the Gulf.” We’ll list every Gulf Coast program receiving votes in the latest Coaches’ and AP Polls, and rank them order of combined points earned that week. We’ll then calculate the Gulf Coast’s “market share” out of the AP and Coaches’ Polls (i.e., the percentage of points that Gulf Coast programs have earned from all poll voters).

Since only 30 of the 128 FBS programs are located in the Texas, Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, and Florida, schools from these states should account for slightly less than 24% of the available points in the two major polls. Our “State of the Gulf” feature will highlight just how much Gulf Coast college football teams outperform the other 98 schools from 45 other states.

This week, our inaugural column shows that the Gulf Coast owns a whopping 48.9% of the combined Polls’ points. At this rate, we might see three Gulf Coast schools in this year’s Final Four:

School/ TOTAL Pts.
1. FSU/ 2966
2. Auburn/ 2936
3. Baylor/ 2630
4. Ole Miss/ 2628
5. Miss.St./ 2557
6. Alabama/ 2125
7. TCU/ 1844
8. Texas A&M/ 1437
9. LSU/ 110

STATE OF THE GULF: These 9 Gulf Coast schools received 19,233 points, which is 48.9% of the 39,325 points awarded in the AP and Coaches’ Polls! 4 Gulf Coast schools (FSU, Auburn, Baylor, and Mississippi State) account for 100% of the 1st place votes placed in both major polls.